I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Parisians can be a tough crowd.
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Imagine this: You’ve carefully planned your escape to the City of Love. You found the perfect boutique hotel in the city center, then assembled a list of things to do, from perfume-making tours to day trips to the Loire Valley. You’ve even reserved a table at a restaurant with a view of the Eiffel Tower.
Now, all that’s left to do is pack your bags and write down a few phrases in French.
But what if you also want to impress a Parisian during your vacation—enough that they grace you with a genuine smile? If that’s the case, and you want to earn the approval of a French person (even if for a moment), you need a few pointers on etiquette in Paris.
I can’t guarantee that they’ll help you make a new best friend, but they should help you avoid those more awkward, tense experiences. Use these tips to (hopefully) get a smile from a Parisian.
First up—why do Parisians have a reputation for being cold?
Parisians have a reputation in the travel world for being cold, if not rude and potentially snobby. (Every destination has a stereotype or two to work with; it’s normal.) That’s because the French tend to value direct and honest communication instead of exaggerated kindness.
Exaggerated kindness is kind of a big deal in many cultures—we smile, we soften our words, we go to great lengths to make others comfortable. But being direct isn’t the same as being cold or rude, though it can feel that. It’s just a different approach to communication—one that New Yorkers would feel very familiar with, for example.
On top of the French predilection to keep things more direct, Parisians are also city-dwellers. Again, like New Yorkers, they face a lot of hustle and bustle daily. They’re less inclined to small talk and more inclined to keep things moving.
Two more things: Servers don’t work for tips in Paris, meaning they don’t need to perform kindness for customers. Also, even other French regions consider Parisians a bit out of touch, so do with that what you will.
Tips to get a French person to smile at you in Paris
Say bonjour when you enter… anywhere
Parisians always say hello when entering a new space—even an elevator. This is the most fundamental building block of etiquette in Paris, meaning that skipping out on that first bonjour is a huge no-no. You don’t need to look someone in the eyes and smile when you say it, just make sure you give a warm welcome when you arrive. And an au revoir when you leave.
Know the phrases
You need to practice your French in Paris—possibly more than any other popular travel destination. While many in Paris can probably understand your English, make an effort to learn basic phrases, like please, thank you, excuse me, and the basics of asking for directions. Francophiles recommend writing down phrases phonetically so you can pronounce them well.
Careful with the translation apps
It’s unlikely that a Parisian will have the patience to wait while you use a translation app to communicate with them. Remember: many Parisians know the basics of English. They want to see an effort made to speak French, even if it’s a little tough at first. Going ‘analog’ instead of using an app shows that you want to connect and learn.
Speak quietly
The French speak like they’re telling secrets in public. You’ll notice this in passing in the street, in shops, and in cafes. People speak subtly and in a low voice. Try to keep your conversations quiet when you’re in public, and avoid loud phone calls at any cost. You won’t see every Parisian respecting this rule—but remember, the goal of this list of tips is to get you a little smile from a local, if not a subtle nod of approval.
Vendors select food at markets
Don’t touch the fruit! At most local markets, you give a visual inspection to figure out which items you want, then ask an attendant to help you. Even better, ask them for advice on putting together different flavors, products, etc. So long as you’re patient and respectful, they’ll appreciate that you’re deferring to their expertise. I’ve had great luck doing this in Barcelona, as well.
Be discerning
Here’s my personal opinion on how to get a smile in Paris: act like a Parisian. To be Parisian, from what I’ve observed, is to be discerning. It’s to seek quality at almost every turn, despite living in a bustling and difficult metropolis, from clothing to wine to art to cafes perfect for people-watching. If you want to feel comfortable in the City of Love, slow down, feel what’s happening around you, and have a (possibly strong) opinion about it.
